Since 2022, we have helped create programs and portfolios to meet long-term financial goals. Have questions about investments, taxes, retirement, and/or estate planning, you should probably talk to someone other than us. We’re just here to have a good time making money
We start by clarifying our fee structure and explaining the different ways we can help. Then we analyze your goals, possibly mock them and then compare them to your current portfolio (which we might also mock, or give a quiet whistle of admiration). After all this we recommend an investment strategy designed to meet your risk tolerance.
Our team is comprised of a group of all star rope-swingers with different kinds of experience. We count lawyers, accountants, engineers, real estate moguls and trophy husbands among our ranks. We all have this in common--a commitment to ethics (sort of) and integrity (definitely). We’re not really fully licensed or credentialed at all. But you can count on us for unbiased recommendations and impartial guidance.
Founder & Chief Investment Officer
Head of Crazy Ideas
Founder & Chief Swinger
Living his best life and motivating the team to do the same (who wouldn't want to be a trophy husband)
Founder & Head Legal Counsel
In charge of all that really boring law & compliance stuff
Founder & Head of Sales & Marketing
Want to buy something? We might not be the right people for that but Peeedeee will sell it to you anyways
Chief of Corporate Wellness
Blew a .22 on his last breathalyzer. Has almost been banned from France TWICE
Chief of Class Action Lawsuits Against Strippers
No one has more experience in his field
Ex-Chief Smolderer
Currently on sabbatical from the firm for taking other peoples girls
Chief Android Fanboy
Every firm has to have one contrarian. Also supposedly in charge of our biotech investment division
Chief Ghost
Didn’t get an answer to your correspondence? - this guy! Also will ghost your lady once he’s done with her
Chief Financial Officer
Numbers, numbers, numbers and stuff. Pretty damn good with the shadier side of numbers as well. Been laundering since 1995!
Chief Mixologist
Not to be confused with Red Rocket or Red Rover. Watch out or your girls going to get the shocker after the most delicious old fashioned she’s ever had!
Chief Procurement Officer
Head of Heavey equipment inventory and Hooker & Blow acquisitions. Vertically integrated, will get you that THICC girl & the forklift to pick her up.
It is never too early to get started on your investment plans. Tell us more about your goals, and we will get you started on a plan to achieve them.
Monday - Friday: 9am - 5pm
Saturday - Sunday: By appointment
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